I see a ton of financial advice regarding unmarrieds living together and merging finances. I see a lot of advice regarding the usual pitfalls and annoyances that come with living together and how to work past them (cleaning issues, mostly). BUT I never see anything about the pre-living together part. The stage where you spend almost every night together but don’t ACTUALLY live together. The stage where you alternate his place, your place, eat most dinners together on weeknights, and buy groceries together. Not to say that it’s exactly like living together, because that has its own set of issues (and is nowhere near the same, as shacked up couples will tell you), but it’s kind of a tricky path to navigate.
Currently, this is my life. My partner and I have been together for three years, and we’re planning on moving in together once this current lease cycle is over (August 2012). I’m a planner, so finances-wise I’ve been thinking about the best approach for our common finances for a little while. I’m more inclined to use the “yours, mine, ours” approach regarding rent and household spending as it’s more fair than dividing the rent in half if your wages are different (expenses are divided proportionately according to income). Also I am a stubborn, possessive, fiercely independent only child and can’t ever imagine giving up my own accounts (plus I have a gazillion sub-savings accounts set up through ING Direct, and I doubt Mr. Dollars would want to deal with all of those savings goals). I have my own place, and he lives with a roommate.
Anyways, I digress. Back to my topic. Lately, splitting time at our respective apartments has gotten to be a little difficult. Mr. Dollars basically lives in the parking lot of a grocery store (and by that I mean his building is on the same block as the grocery store, not that he’s homeless, tyvm) but hasn’t done a huge grocery shop in over a year. On the one hand, it’s not completely necessary given that he shares the block with the store and can go whenever he pleases (I’m further away from the store and prefer to shop less often), but on the other, it makes it difficult to plan meals and whip up something from the pantry when at his place, the cupboards are bare – Mother Hubbard style. And let’s face it, once you get home and get into no-pants mode, it’s hard to get up off the couch, leave the DVR, and put on the appropriate outerwear to go to the grocery store. ESPECIALLY when it’s -40 outside. Then we spend more on takeout and less on healthy meals, which in turn leads to more money on fast food due to the lack of leftovers for lunches throughout the week.
I really enjoy cooking and baking, but it’s hard to plan out a weekly idea of meals when we have no idea whose place we’ll be at any given day. I’m normally home by 5, but Mr. Dollars frequently picks up overtime shifts so his end time varies widely. We live a ten minute walk apart, and after about 7:30 or so I’m not really up for packing up my stuff and going over to his place, and vice versa. We’re not as lazy as we sound, promise. We’ve tried to stay at one place for half the week and the other for another half, but due to overtime, plans with friends, etc that didn’t end up working very well. I did a big grocery shop last weekend and bought a few specific ingredients for dinners and leftovers, and I don’t want them to go bad. It actually worked out well, because Mr. Dollars was out of town for a few days so I was able to whip up a few delicious meals and take care of lunches for the rest of the week.
There isn’t really a quick and easy solution to this, so I think we’ll just have to bite the bullet until we’re actually in the same apartment and the fridge can be fully stocked with whatever we feel like eating on a regular basis.
